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(TV) FW: McDonnell Douglas Warranty(Very OT)



Philip

Apologies for sending this but I thought it was very darkly funny and wanted to share it. Hope you don't mind.I work in the UK export credit agency and we unfortunately have dealings with companies like this;


Subject: FW: McDonnell Douglas Warranty
>
>
>  This was allegedly posted very briefly on the McDonnell Douglas
> Website
>  by an employee there who obviously has a sense of humour. The
> company,
>  of course, does not have a sense of humour, and made the web
> department
>  take it down immediately (for once, the 'IMPORTANT' note at the end
> is
>  worth a read too...)
>
>  Thank you for purchasing a McDonnell Douglas military aircraft.  In
>  order to protect your new investment, please take a few moments to
> fill
>  out the warranty registration card below. Answering the survey
> questions is not required, but the information will help us to develop
> new
>  products that best meet your needs and desires.
>
>  1.
>
>  [_] Mr.
>  [_] Mrs.
>  [_] Ms.
>  [_] Miss
>  [_] Lt.
>  [_] Gen.
>  [_] Comrade
>  [_] Classified
>  [_] Other
>
>  First Name: ............................................
>  Initial: ........
>  Last Name:..............................................
>  Password: .............................. (max. 8 char) Code
>  Name:..............................................
>  Latitude-Longitude-Altitude: ........... ...........
>
>  2. Which model of aircraft did you purchase?
>  [_] F-14 Tomcat
>  [_] F-15 Eagle
>  [_] F-16 Falcon
>  [_] F-117A Stealth
>  [_] Classified
>
>  3. Date of purchase (Year/Month/Day): 20......./......./......
>
>  4. Serial Number:........................................
>
>  5. Please indicate where this product was purchased:
>  [_] Received as gift / aid package
>  [_] Catalogue / showroom
>  [_] Independent arms broker
>  [_] Mail order
>  [_] Discount store
>  [_] Government surplus
>  [_] Classified
>
>  6. Please indicate how you became aware of the McDonnell Douglas
> product  you have just purchased:
>  [_] Heard loud noise, looked up
>  [_] Store display
>  [_] Espionage
>  [_] Recommended by friend / relative / ally
>  [_] Political lobbying by manufacturer
>  [_] Was attacked by one
>
>  7. Please indicate the three (3) factors that most influenced your
>  decision to purchase this McDonnell Douglas product:
>  [_] Style / appearance
>  [_] Speed / manoeuvrability
>  [_] Price / value
>  [_] Comfort / convenience
>  [_] Kickback / bribe
>  [_] Recommended by salesperson
>  [_] McDonnell Douglas reputation
>  [_] Advanced Weapons Systems
>  [_] Backroom politics
>  [_] Negative experience opposing one in combat
>
>  8. Please indicate the location(s) where this product will be used:
>  [_] North America
>  [_] Iraq
>  [_] Iraq
>  [_] Aircraft carrier
>  [_] Iraq
>  [_] Europe
>  [_] Iraq
>  [_] Middle East (not Iraq)
>  [_] Iraq
>  [_] Africa
>  [_] Iraq
>  [_] Asia / Far East
>  [_] Iraq
>  [_] Misc. Third World countries
>  [_] Iraq
>  [_] Classified
>  [_] Iraq
>
>  9. Please indicate the products that you currently own or intend to
>  purchase in the near future:
>  [_] Colour TV
>  [_] VCR
>  [_] ICBM
>  [_] Killer Satellite
>  [_] CD Player
>  [_] Air-to-Air Missiles
>  [_] Space Shuttle
>  [_] Home Computer
>  [_] Nuclear Weapon
>
>  10. How would you describe yourself or your organization? (Indicate
> all
>  that apply:)
>  [_] Communist / Socialist
>  [_] Terrorist
>  [_] Crazed
>  [_] Neutral
>  [_] Democratic
>  [_] Dictatorship
>  [_] Corrupt
>  [_] Primitive / Tribal
>
> 11. How did you pay for your McDonnell Douglas product?
>  [_] Deficit spending
>  [_] Cash
>  [_] Suitcases of cocaine
>  [_] Oil revenues
>  [_] Personal check
>  [_] Credit card
>  [_] Ransom money
>  [_] Traveller's check
>
>  12. Your occupation:
>  [_] Homemaker
>  [_] Sales / marketing
>  [_] Revolutionary
>  [_] Clerical
>  [_] Mercenary
>  [_] Tyrant
>  [_] Middle management
>  [_] Eccentric billionaire
>  [_] Defence Minister / General
>  [_] Retired
>  [_] Student
>
>  13. To help us better understand our customers, please indicate the
>  interests and activities in which you and your spouse enjoy
>  participating on a regular basis:
>  [_] Golf
>  [_] Boating / sailing
>  [_] Sabotage
>  [_] Running / jogging
>  [_] Propaganda / misinformation
>  [_] Destabilization / overthrow
>  [_] Default on loans
>  [_] Gardening
>  [_] Crafts
>  [_] Black market / smuggling
>  [_] Collectibles / collections
>  [_] Watching sports on TV
>  [_] Wines
>  [_] Interrogation / torture
>  [_] Household pets
>  [_] Crushing rebellions
>  [_] Espionage / reconnaissance
>  [_] Fashion clothing
>  [_] Border disputes
>  [_] Mutually Assured Destruction
>
>  Thank you for taking the time to fill out this questionnaire. Your
>  answers will be used in market studies that will help McDonnell
> Douglas
>  serve you better in the future - as well as allowing you to receive
>  mailings and special offers from other companies, governments,
>  extremist groups, and mysterious consortia. As a bonus for responding
> to
> this
>  survey, you will be registered to win a brand new F-117A in our
> Desert
>  Thunder  Sweepstakes!
>
>  Comments or suggestions about our fighter planes? Please write to:
> McDONNELL DOUGLAS CORPORATION
>  Marketing Department,
>  Military Aerospace Division
>
> IMPORTANT: This email is intended for the use of the individual
> addressee(s) named above and may contain information that is
> confidential privileged or unsuitable for overly sensitive persons
> with low
> self-
> esteem, no sense of humour or irrational religious beliefs. If you are
> not the intended recipient, any dissemination, distribution or copying
> of this email is not authorized (either explicitly or implicitly) and
> constitutes an irritating social faux pas. Unless the word
> absquatulation has been used in its correct context somewhere other
> than in this warning, it does not have any legal or grammatical use
> and may
> be ignored. No animals were harmed in the transmission of this email,
> although the kelpie next door is living on borrowed time, let me tell
> you.
>
> Those of you with an overwhelming fear of the unknown will be
> gratified
> to learn that there is no hidden message revealed by reading this
> warning backwards, so just ignore that Alert Notice from Microsoft.
> However, by pouring a complete circle of salt around yourself and your
> computer you can ensure that no harm befalls you and your pets. If you
> have received this email in error, please add some nutmeg and egg
> whites, whisk and place in a warm oven for 40 minutes.
>
>


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