(TV) 10 greatest rock n roll myths

[Jay <piazzasanmarco@yahoo.com>]

The 10 greatest rock'n'roll myths 

>From strange deaths to blood transfusions and dubious
fish-related practices, it's time to debunk the
tallest tales 

Graeme Thomson
Sunday February 20, 2005
The Observer 

1: 'Mama' Cass choking on a sandwich 
When 'Mama' Cass Elliot died in her London flat in
1974 at the age of 32, a hasty postmortem suggested
she had choked on her own vomit while chomping a
sandwich in bed. At 5' 5" and 240 pounds, it was easy
to believe that - like a female version of Monty
Python's Mr Creosote - Elliot had simply gambled on
one mouthful too many. Not so. The coroner's report
after her death concluded that Cass died of massive
heart failure, brought on by obesity and the strains
of crash dieting. Though a sandwich may well have been
found at her bedside, the autopsy revealed no evidence
of food in her trachea. Tragically, it appears she
died peckish.
2: Marilyn Manson starring in 'The Wonder Years'
This fuels every parent's fear that the most innocuous
geek-child can go stone bad. Did the young Brian
Warner (aka Mr Manson) play Paul Pfeiffer, goofy pal
of Kevin Arnold, in the schmaltzy rites-of passage TV
show? 'It's kind of irrelevant whether these rumours
are true or not,' quoth Manson. Well actually,
Marilyn, it's not irrelevant to Josh Saviano, who
really did play Paul Pfeiffer.

3: The Beatles' spliff in Buckingham Palace
Sometime after our four young heroes bounced into the
Palace in October 1965 to receive their MBEs, John
Lennon claimed they'd shared a toke in the loos. Not
the most reliable witness - he once claimed he wrote
'Eleanor Rigby' - Lennon later 'fessed up, admitting
'we'd have been far too scared to do it'. McCartney,
meanwhile, remembers simply having a 'sly ciggie' with
the chaps to calm nerves.

4: Keef's blood transfusion
Keen to clean up for a European tour, Richards
reportedly replaced his poisoned old claret with an
infusion of healthy blood in a Swiss clinic in
September 1973. In reality, it was probably only
haemodialysis, which filters impurities from the
bloodstream. 'Someone asked me how I cleaned up, so I
said I had my blood completely changed,' Richards
said. 'I was fucking sick of answering that question,
so I gave them a story.'

5: Stevie Nicks having cocaine blown up her bum
It's tempting to believe Fleetwood Mac's queen bee
followed her addiction to such deliciously depraved
depths - but sadly, untrue. 'That's absurd,' said
Nicks in 2001. 'Maybe it came about because people
knew I had such a big hole in my nose. Let's put a
belt through my nose, because that's how big the hole
is.' So she just talks through her arse, then. Maybe.

6: Robert Johnson's pact with the devil
Famously, Johnson sold his soul to the devil in order
to play guitar like a demon. You want prima facie
evidence? How about 'Me and the Devil Blues', and the
fact that young Robert was a poor guitarist whose
improvement was remarkable. Actually, he used that
little known voodoo technique 'practice', and was
tutored by a bluesman called Ike Zimmerman. Not Satan.

7: Jacko and the elephant man
Reports surfaced in 1987 that Wacko had offered
$50,000 for the remains of the Victorian patient
Joseph Merrick, aka the Elephant Man. The offer may
have been genuine, but Jackson doesn't own the bones.
Merrick's organs were destroyed in an air raid on the
Royal London Hospital during the Second World War.
Casts of his head, an arm and a foot survived, but
were not up for sale.

8: Sid checks in at Heathrow
Punk romantics believe that Sid's mum scattered his
ashes over Nancy's grave in Philadelphia. It's more
likely that Ma Vicious arrived back at Heathrow with
his remains. Malcolm McLaren claims she knocked them
over in the arrivals lounge; hence the fanciful myth
that Sid's essence still circulates, wafting through
the air vents and moving among the travellers.

9: Richey Edwards lives
Ten years on, Richey's disappearance remains imbued
with a Lucan-like mythology by those who love a good
mystery. Given the extent of his problems - self-harm,
alcoholism, anorexia - and the fact that numerous
sightings have amounted to nothing, it's safe to
assume he's probably no longer alive, sadly. But don't
expect the rumours to evaporate.

10: Led Zep and the mud shark
'A pretty young groupie with red hair was tied to the
bed,' claimed Stephen Davis in Hammer of the Gods.
'Led Zeppelin proceeded to stuff pieces of shark into
her vagina and rectum.' Not quite. Zep did catch
sharks from the window of their hotel, but the pesce
in question was actually a red snapper, while the
perpetrator was road manager Richard Cole.

Making the law - Graeme Thomson justifies his
selection of rock mythologies

Sex, death, drugs, sharks, TV, elephants and the devil
himself. Nothing sums up the ridiculous circus of
rock'n'roll better than the mythology that both
nourishes and devours it, vividly illustrating the
impossible feats of self destruction and degradation
we would have our 'rock gods' vicariously act out on
our behalf.

The fact that Bill Wyman is an authority on the thorny
questions of mechanical royalties and overseas tax
shelters is all well and good but really, we just want
to believe that Keef is a vampire. We might grudgingly
acknowledge that Ringo Starr made a decent fist of
narrating Thomas the Tank Engine, but it doesn't
compete with John Lennon (metaphorically) blowing
reefer smoke in the Queen's face. As John Ford once
said: 'When the legend becomes fact, print the
legend.'

In the end, I omitted the Adam and Eve of all
rock'n'roll myths: that Paul McCartney died in a car
crash in 1966 and has subsequently been played by an
impersonator, who was originally employed by The
Beatles.

Why did I leave it out? For one, it would take a
degree in Beatleology to adequately comprehend the
various bewildering permutations; and anyway, it might
just be true. Those listening to the bulk of
McCartney's output from 1967 onwards (and yes, let's
include the pretty tedious Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts
Club Band in that time-frame, as long as we can
exclude 'Maybe I'm Amazed') could be forgiven for
entertaining a little confusion on the matter.

Similarly, the tale of Marianne Faithfull and the Mars
Bar is so well worn as to be practically dull. I think
you'll find Led Zeppelin, or their road manager at
least, had a slightly more lewdly imaginative take on
that particular format. Or did he?

7 Have your say Bang to rights? If you've spotted
Richey, or you were the Mud Shark in question, or you
just think we've missed a classic myth, let us know by
writing to: OMM, 3-7 Herbal Hill, London EC1R 3ER or
email us at: omm@observer.co.uk or join our talkboard
now: observer.co.uk/omm/the10






Flanders: Homer, God didn't set your house on fire.
Rev. Lovejoy: No, but He was working in the hearts of your friends and neighbors when they came to your aid, be they Christian [camera pans to Flanders], Jew [Krusty], or...miscellaneous [Apu].
Apu: Hindu! There are 700 million of us.
Lovejoy: Aw, thats super. 

  
   -The Simpsons, Homer the Heretic 






























		
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