(TV) OT -- Correction, with apologies to Samuel Beckett

["Joe Thornton" <joe.thornton@gmx.net>]

I shamefacedly admit that there was an error in the Beckett piece I sent to
the list last September -- Beckett's penultimate work "Stirrings Still".

Especially as it is now exactly 100 years since Beckett was born, I want to
put things right.

The error: The word "we" in the seventh last line of part 2 should have been
"he".

That's all.

--JoeT

+++++

STIRRINGS STILL

1

One night as he sat at his table head on hands he saw himself rise and go.
One night or day. For when his own light went out he was not left in the
dark. Light of a kind came from the one high window. Under it still the
stool on which till he could or would no more he used to mount to see the
sky. Why he did not crane out to see what lay beneath was perhaps because
the window was not made to open or because he could or would not open it.
Perhaps he knew only too well what lay beneath and did not wish to see it
again. So he would simply stand there high above the earth and see through
the clouded pane the cloudless sky. Its faint unchanging light unlike any
light he could remember from the days and nights when day followed hard on
night and night on day. This outer light then when his own went out became
his only light till it in its turn went out and left him in the dark. Till it
in its turn went out.

One night or day then as he sat at his table head on hands he saw himself
rise and go. First rise and stand clinging to the table. Then sit again.
Then rise again and stand clinging to the table again. Then go. Start to go.
On unseen feet start to go. So slow that only change of place to show he
went. As when he disappeared only to reappear later at another place again.
Then disappeared only to reappear later at another place again. So again and
again disappeared again to reappear again at another place again. Another
place in the place where he sat at his table head on hands. The same place
and table as when Darly for example died and left him. As when others too in
their turn before and since. As when others would too in their turn and
leave him till he too in his turn. Head on hands half hoping when he
disappeared again that he would not reappear again and half fearing that he
would not. Or merely wondering. Or merely waiting. Waiting to see if he
would or would not. Leave him or not alone again waiting for nothing again.

Seen always from behind whithersoever he went. Same hat and coat as of old
when he walked the roads. The back roads. Now as one in a strange place
seeking the way out. In the dark. In a strange place blindly in the dark of
night or day seeking the way out. A way out. To the roads. The back roads.

A clock afar struck the hours and half-hours. The same as when among others
Darly once died and left him. Strokes now clear as if carried by a wind now
faint on the still air. Cries afar now faint now clear. Head on hands half
hoping when the hour struck that the half-hour would not and half fearing
that it would not. Similarly when the half-hour struck. Similarly when the
cries a moment ceased. Or merely wondering. Or merely waiting. Waiting to
hear.

There had been a time he would sometimes lift his head enough to see his
hands. What of them was to be seen. One laid on the table and the other on
the one. At rest after all they did. Lift his past head a moment to see his
past hands. Then lay it back on them to rest it too. After all it did.

The same place as when left day after day for the roads. The back roads.
Returned to night after night. Paced from wall to wall in the dark. The then
fleeting dark of night. Now as if strange to him seen to rise and go.
Disappear and reappear at another place again. Or the same. Nothing to show
not the same. No wall toward which or further from. In the same place as
when paced from wall to wall all places as the same. Or in another. Nothing
to show not another. Where never. Rise and go in the same place as ever.
Disappear and reappear in another where never. Nothing to show not another
where never. Nothing but the strokes. The cries. The same as ever.

Till so many strokes and cries since he was last seen that perhaps he would
not be seen again. Then so many cries since the strokes were last heard that
perhaps they would not be heard again. Then such silence since the cries
were last heard that perhaps even they would not be heard again. Perhaps
thus the end. Unless no more than a mere lull. Then all as before. The
strokes and cries as before and he as before now there now gone now there
again now gone again. Then the lull again. Then all as before again. So
again and again. And patience till the one true end to time and grief and
self and second self his own.


2

As one in his right mind when at last out again he knew not how he was not
long out again when he began to wonder if he was in his right mind. For
could one not in his right mind be reasonably said to wonder if he was in
his right mind and bring what is more his remains of reason to bear on this
perplexity in the way he must be said to do if he is to be said at all? It
was therefore in the guise of a more or less reasonable being that he
emerged at last he knew not how into the outer world and had not been there
for more than six or seven hours by the clock when he could not but begin to
wonder if he was in his right mind. By the same clock whose strokes were
heard times without number in his confinement as it struck the hours and
half-hours and so in a sense at first a source of reassurance till finally
one of alarm as being no clearer now than when in principle muffled by his
four walls. Then he sought help in the thought of one hastening westward at
sundown to obtain a better view of Venus and found it of none. Of the sole
other sound that of cries enlivener of his solitude as lost to suffering he
sat at his table head on hands the same was true. Of their whenceabouts that
is of clock and cries the same was true that is no more to be determined now
than as was only natural then. Bringing to bear on all this his remains of
reason he sought help in the thought that his memory of indoors was perhaps
at fault and found it of none. Further to his disarray his soundless tread
as when barefoot he trod the floor. So all ears from bad to worse till in
the end he ceased if not to hear to listen and set out to look about him.
Result finally he was in a field of grass which went some way if nothing
else to explain his tread and then a little later as if to make up for this
some way to increase his trouble. For he could recall no field of grass from
even the very heart of which no limit of any kind was to be discovered but
always in some quarter or another some end in sight such as a fence or other
manner of bourne from which to return. Nor on his looking more closely to
make matters worse was this the short green grass he seemed to remember
eaten down by flocks and herds but long and light grey in colour verging
here and there on white. Then he sought help in the thought that his memory
of outdoors was perhaps at fault and found it of none. So all eyes from bad
to worse till in the end he ceased if not to see to look (about him or more
closely) and set out to take thought. To this end for want of a stone on
which to sit like Walther and cross his legs the best he could do was stop
dead and stand stock still which after a moment of hesitation he did and of
course sink his head as one deep in meditation which after another moment of
hesitation he did also. But soon weary of vainly delving in those remains he
moved on through the long hoar grass resigned to not knowing where he was or
how he got there or where he was going or how he was going to get back to
whence he knew not how he came. So on unknowing and no end in sight.
Unknowing and what is more no wish to know nor indeed any wish of any kind
nor therefore any sorrow save that he would have wished the strokes to cease
and the cries for good and was sorry that they did not. The strokes now
faint now clear as if carried by the wind but not a breath and the cries now
faint now clear.


3

So on till stayed when to his ears from deep within oh how and here a word
he could not catch it were to end where never till then. Rest then before
again from not long to so long that perhaps never again and then faint from
deep within oh how and here that missing word again it were to end where
never till then. In any case whatever it might be to end and so on was he
not already as he stood there all bowed down and to his ears faint from deep
within again and again oh how something and so on was he not so far as he
could see already there where never till then? For how could even such a one
as he having once found himself in such a place not shudder to find himself
in it again which he had not done nor having shuddered seek help in vain in
the thought so-called that having somehow got out of it then he could
somehow get out of it again which he had not done either. There then all
this time where never till then and so far as he could see in every
direction when he raised his head and opened his eyes no danger or hope as
the case might be of his ever getting out of it. Was he then now to press on
regardless now in one direction and now in another or on the other hand stir
no more as the case might be that is as that missing word might be which if
to warn such as sad or bad for example then of course in spite of all the
one and if the reverse then of course the other that is stir no more. Such
and much more such the hubbub in his mind so-called till nothing left from
deep within but only ever fainter oh to end. No matter how no matter where.
Time and grief and self so-called. Oh all to end.
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