Re: (TV) humor

["Nick Powell" <nick@powelln.freeserve.co.uk>]

Lovely stuff..........and I recognized every single line!
-----Original Message-----
From: jpontrelli@nallmiller.com <jpontrelli@nallmiller.com>
To: tv@obbard.com <tv@obbard.com>
Date: Thursday, September 14, 2000 6:53 PM
Subject: (TV) humor


>This has nothing to do with TV, but it should give a chuckle to those in
the know and maybe some not so in the know:
>
>Now son, you don't want to drink beer. That's for Daddys, and kids with
fake IDs."  "Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen."
>
> "You couldn't fool your mother on the foolingest day of your life if you
had an electrified
> fooling machine."
>
> "Marge, don't discourage the boy! Weaseling out of things is important to
learn. It's
> what separates us from the animals! Except the weasel."
>
> "If you really want something in life you have to work for it. Now quiet,
they're about to
> announce the lottery numbers."
>
> "To alcohol! The cause of - and solution to - all of life's problems!"
>
> "I saw this in a movie about a bus that had to speed around a city,
keeping its speed
> over 50, and if its speed changed, it would explode! I think it was
called, 'The Bus That
> Couldn't Slow Down."
>
> "I want to share something with you - the three sentences that will get
you through life.
> Number one, 'cover for me.' Number two, 'oh, good idea, boss.' Number
three, 'it was
> like that when I got here."
>
> "Marge, you're as pretty as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda."
>
> "Step aside everyone! Sensitive love letters are my specialty. 'Dear Baby,
Welcome to
> Dumps Ville. Population: you."
>
> "Don't let Krusty's death get you down, boy. People die all the time. Just
like that.
> Why, you could wake up dead tomorrow. Well, good night."
>
> "Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or
lose: it's how
> drunk you get."
>
> "Lisa, if the Bible has taught us nothing else - and it hasn't - it's that
girls should stick
> to girls sports, such as hot oil wrestling and foxy boxing and such and
such."
>
> "Lisa, if you don't like your job you don't strike. You just go in every
day and do it really
> half-assed. That's the American way."
>
> "Stealing! How could you? Haven't you learned anything from that guy who
gives those
> sermons at church? Captain whats-his-name?"
>
> "We live in a society of laws. Why do you think I took you to all those
Police Academy
> movies? For fun? Well I didn't hear anybody laughin', did you?"
>
> "Television - teacher, mother, secret lover!"
>
> "Maybe, just once, someone will call me 'sir' without adding, 'you're
making a scene."
>
>
>
!
>

!
>
>
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